he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
