Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
