im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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