Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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