Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
