were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
