We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
