I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
