i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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