You're earring is so big in my mouth
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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