party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
