Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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