my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
