Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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