You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
