He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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