I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
