I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
ok first of all what the fuck
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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