Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
