I wish life had little blips of pornography
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
