we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
