I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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