Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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