We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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