The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
