I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
