I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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