I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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