I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
