I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
