You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
