So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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