Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
