the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
