I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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