So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
