It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
