there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
