they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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