Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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