this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
