The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
