Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
