I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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