Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
