Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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