doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
