I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
