singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
