i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
