Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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