allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
